Lets cut right to the chase. One of the hardest things in life to do is LIVE. I don’t know about anyone else but I think since this pandemic, I’m finding I’m more at WAR with myself than anything.

“You might win some but you just lost one”!

Have you ever found yourself lost within your thoughts? The last few months of 2021, writers block was the plague and my bloggers demise. I knew what I was looking for, could taste it on the tip of my tongue, and I could feel it slipping through my hands. My vision, my destiny, my purpose, and passion in life were disappearing from my soul. The frustration, anger, and sadness consumed my every thought process, causing me to stand in a mental and emotional blockade and stagnation. Everything was going so great, I literally had everything and everyone that I wanted. That ANXIETY is a BITCH! That all consuming feeling of when everything is going so great in the world and you just know in your heart of hearts that something is going to go wrong. The irony in the ending of my 2021 is that I WAS WRONG!

The journey of life will definitely take us on some unforeseeable paths. Life throws us curve balls that we never saw coming. When those instances happen, we tend to question, "why me?" We start comparing our situations to that of our peers, friends and/or family. We forget that no two people have the same journey in life. Certain accomplishments in our life are not going to happen when we THINK they are supposed to happen.

My mother used to have this saying, “Just keep it moving” or” Let it go”! Truth be told I couldn’t stand when she used to say this. I used to get so angry about certain situations and people I had NO CONTROL over and that was always her response. What do you mean let it go?

When I was younger, I was sexually molested by another female. I had zero clue what really happened and because I was so young, I wasn’t sure how to process this “trauma”. Several years of my life I questioned my sexuality and held on to this secret until a few years ago.

When I was 2 months pregnant with my last child… that was the last time I wanted to harm myself! I can’t speak for everyone who has had Suicidal thoughts or Ideations but for me, taking on too much and blaming myself for other people’s actions was always my trigger! Feelings of inadequacy, self doubt, low self esteem and being PRISONER to my THOUGHTS almost took me out so many times.

Well what I was trying to get out in my title is T.R.U.S.T… TRUST! That’s a big word! I choked on my thoughts trying to get this one out! Jennifer Hudson and Neo sang a song together and in the beginning Neo says, “I believe that LOVE and TRUST are one in the same”! The first time I heard that all I could say was WOW!

I always find it humorous what we choose to pay attention to in society! I can’t count on my hands and toes or yours how often the media makes MENTAL HEALTH a PRIORITY! It doesn’t happen.

According to the Mayan calendar today is “Mother’s Day”, well that’s EVERYDAY for me. I definitely didn’t need the reminder or to be told to celebrate the QUEEN who birthed me. My mother is far from perfect but to me she is perfectly imperfect! She is the ONLY person I know physically who LOVES me in spite of my flaws.

I’m sure we’ve all heard people say, or said ourselves, “its time to REINVENT or REBUILD myself”…. No need to reinvent or rebuild, just RECOGNIZE! Who you are and who you have been called to be has ALWAYS been in you but boy oh boy the world and certain people we have around us, have a way of making us forget our PATH and PURPOSE!

Let’s be REALISTIC for a second…. it’s always easy to give advice but how many times have we ever sat back and applied those vices to ourselves? It’s never easy to step back and look in the mirror and make the much needed adjustments to our own lives.

FORGIVENESS…. whew chile, what a word. I’ve always been told that forgiveness is for self. If that’s so true, why do we spend so much time on apologizing or needing someone to accept our apologies? Honestly, if someone does something to me more than once, “I’m sorry” is no longer an apology but a character reference! I said what I said and you are absolutely correct… you are a SORRY individual.

If you aren’t familiar with MINDFULNESS, I strongly encourage you to research it and practice it. Mindfulness mainly deals with staying in the present, POSITIVELY! I added my own little twist and adopted a new practice I like to call SELF MINDFULNESS!

D.E.I…. Diversity, Equity and Inclusion! These 3 words have become a major hot topic in America lately! But why? It saddens me to know that a program has to be put into place that has to specifically ALLOW “certain” types of people to feel comfortable in a workplace! This is just ludicrous to me. This D.E.I. topic has become so mentally draining. America is fixated on separation. Job applications, school enrollments and other documents of registration pick us apart and allow us to stay “SEPARATE but EQUAL”… let’s be honest, there is no equality!

Some people will never understand why a person decides to succumb to the thoughts of SUICIDE! Today I give you a true, deep seeded moment of transparency. Suicide, much like all mental health disparities, is a mental disease that our communities around the world have let fall to the waist side.

One of my favorite Lyricist is WALE! If you’ve ever listened to any of his music you will come to learn rather quickly that he does not bite his tongue about his opinions, faith and beliefs. Next to Kendrick Lamar, these two are the best things going in terms of OWNING YOUR SH!T!

I know at some point in all our lives we’ve all watched an episode of Sesame Street. I have 3 kids and have always made it my business to incorporate this show into their daily routine. I have an 11 month old who watches this show at least 20 times a day. Watching her responses to certain episodes lately truly has me locked in on her emotional reactions.

Have you ever done something that you regretted? Made a choice that to this day, you truly have to live with? Do people constantly remind you of who you used to be versus WHO YOU ARE NOW?! For me that is one of the most mentally and emotionally draining things to deal with in life.

Not everyone is capable of opening a can of worms and truly be able to deal with its contents. Anger is a natural emotion. Don’t be fooled by my constant talks of PEACE, because I still have MOMENTS where I ALLOW myself to become angry. The biggest part about my growth and anger is that I don’t let anger coexist in my world for too long.